Catchin' Up With The Clarks.: November 2015

First off, I know this post is ridiculously long. I wanted to make sure I recounted every detail for myself to have as a record someday. ~~Sorry~~, not sorry.

I was determined to work up until the day I delivered. I could have stopped working at any time really, but knowing myself, I knew that sitting at home with nothing to do would just make the last weeks of pregnancy go by even s l o w e r than they were already. So even though each morning I would question why the heck I was getting out of bed, once I did and got to work, I was glad I did.
Greyson's birth story really isn't typical (what birth story is??) but its unique and it's a lot, but I would do it over in a heartbeat.

Friday July 10th:

This whole week I wasn't feeling the greatest. I just thought it was because I was overly exhausted and just getting physically and emotionally done with pregnancy. I had been having contractions since about 32 weeks but mostly just annoying Braxton Hicks. This caused me to not really believe any of my co-workers when they tried to tell me I was in the beginning stages of labor when I was at work on this Friday.

I was sitting at work bouncing on my exercise ball at my desk (only thing that felt good). I was meeting with a patient and his wife and while they were filling out some paperwork I gasped out loud, without any sort of control, as I felt a really sharp pain. I had to apologize and the wife said "oh my gosh are you in labor?"... I said "NO! that was just one of those weird pains you get... sorry!" and she said "Nope. You're in labor. I can feel it" and in my head I was like "Okay lady, you're creepy and crazy". Then as the day progressed my contractions were getting harder and harder and I felt the baby's movements less and less which kind of freaked me out (apparently that is normal when you're in labor). All of the nurses I work with were feeling my contractions and telling me I was in labor but I still didn't believe them.

Ironically, I had a doctor appointment that day so I left work and went to my appointment. When I left, everyone at work said bye to me like it was going to be my last day before maternity leave. I said "No I'll see you guys on Monday!" because I really didn't think I was having this baby this weekend. I had Tanner meet me at my appointment. They hooked me up to the monitors and I was having contractions 4-5 min apart! They checked me and I was still only dilated to a 1 (which I had been for about 3 weeks). Little boy was stubborn and liked to play jokes. However, the contractions were real and were continually progressing that day. I left the appointment in tears because I was done being so confused!

As the night went on, I felt worse and worse. My back labor had already kicked in and at this point I knew I was in real labor.

Saturday July 11th:

I didn't sleep at ALL the night before because I was sooooooo uncomfortable. I could still talk through contractions (kind of) but they were making me extremely uncomfortable and my back was starting to really hurt. I was timing my contractions and they were 3 minutes apart at this point. My midwife called me to check in and told me to go in Labor & Delivery because at this point I had been in technical labor for 24 hours. We went in and I was STILL AT A 1. THANK YOU BODY, for nothing. She told me that there could be a chance that my body just won't dilate on its own, but since the baby wasn't in any type of stress and I was a week early, she didn't want to do anything just yet. So after monitoring Greyson for a while, we left.

After we left the hospital I decided I was going to do whatever it took to end all of this! And by whatever it takes, I promise you I tried it all. I was so determined for many reasons. Besides the fact that I WAS SO READY TO GET THIS BABY OUT, my favorite midwife was on call that weekend and she wasn't going to be back on-call for another two weeks so I was super determined to get this baby out by Monday so she could be the one who delivers!

First thing we decided to do is go to Costco to stock up on some food and walk every aisle. I may have done lunges down each aisle as well...stopping every few minutes to get through contractions. After Costco we came home and I decided that we should go to the gym. You should've seen the looks I got at the gym. Most of their faces read "are you sure you should be doing that??" as I was on the treadmill, at 100% incline, doing lunges at a decent speed or when I was doing weighted squats. Like I said... I was DETERMINED, even though I was having to pause every couple of minutes, it made me get through contractions easier almost because working out puts me in the zone and I was feeling determined.

Then after our workout I was beyond EXHAUSTED and in a lot of pain so we decided to go to my in-laws to get into their hot tub. In the hot tub, I got on my hands and knees and rocked back and forth for a while to hopefully get Greyson in a better position. Then we started watching a movie with family and while we were doing this, I suddenly felt a million times worse than I had before. Each contraction came on harder and harder so I told Tanner we had to leave and we had to leave right then. I HATE being in pain in front of people. I don't like people to see me in pain because it's awkward and especially this kind of pain that was like nothing I've experienced before. We went home and this is when I was more convinced that this might be the real deal.

My mom was constantly texting me asking when she should head north our way (4 hour drive). She wanted to come right then but I kept telling her not to because I didn't want her to come and just sit here for another week waiting for me to have this baby (hilarious that I honestly thought I wasn't having this baby within 24 hours). But she listened to me and stayed put for a little longer.

They had told me earlier when I was in the hospital getting checked that I could come back later in the evening if my contractions were still bad and they could give me a morphine shot to help me sleep so when it was really time, I wouldn't be so exhausted that I couldn't get through delivery since at this point I had been laboring for over 24 hours and hadn't slept at all.

At 1:00 am Tanner convinced me to go in to get the shot because at this point I couldn't talk through contractions and I was miserable. I went in and the nurse that helped us was so awesome. She let me skip triage and put me right in a delivery room because she assumed I was about to have this baby. Then she checked me...I was at a 1.5. ARE. YOU. FREAKING. JOKING. ME. This is when I lost it. I really really did NOT want to be induced and I wanted to do this on my own. So this poor nurse suffered through my full blown meltdown and then she had the greatest gift she could give me... MORPHINE. She gave me the GLORIOUS shot of morphine and told me that I probably wouldn't remember the rest of the night. She was right. She also told me that if the contractions were still bad when the shot wore off in the morning, to come straight in because that much labor with no progression could put the baby in too much stress and they would probably have to give me pitocin to induce me. That shot.... oh man... I still dream about that shot... It was heaven.

Also at this point my mom decided she was going to come. She was done waiting and I am so glad she decided not to listen to me and to come anyways. So my poor parents got in the car at 1am and drove 4 hours to my house.

I don't even remember returning home from the hospital that night/morning.

Sunday July 12th: BIRTH- DAY.

This morning I woke up around 8am when the shot starting wearing off and I woke up moaning because I was in so much pain. At this point I thought I would have the baby at home because the LAST thing I wanted to do was go back into the hospital and be sent home AGAIN. So I labored in bed, next to Tanner snoring (poor guy was exhausted), and I just remember rocking back and forth moaning. Then after a couple hours of this I decided to finally get up and try and see if I could get in the shower before heading to the hospital again. The MOMENT I turned to get out of bed, my WATER BROKE! YAY!! I can't even tell you how excited I was, because this meant no matter how far along I was in dilation, they would have to admit me and no matter what I would be having this baby within the next 24-48hours!

Side note: Did you know that when your water breaks it isn't just a one time isolated event?? Oh no. When your water fully breaks it is like a literal WATER FALL and NEVER STOPS! Nobody ever told me this. So I was rushing around my house getting last minute things together while I was stopping for each contraction and there was a water trail all over my house. So weird.

Tanner threw all of our stuff in the car and he used this chance to speed as fast as he could to the hospital (life long dream of his). The hospital is normally about 25 minutes away but I'm pretty sure we got there in a matter of 10 minutes. On the way, I had my hand gripping the door so tight and let me tell you... laboring in a car is HARD. Meanwhile Tanner was concerned about what music I wanted playing on the way there... Like I even cared about that in that moment! Ha. Bless his heart.

When we got to the hospital it was about 11am. I couldn't even walk. I was hunched over (still having water pouring out of me), and when we got to the check-in counter they called my nurse right away and got me into a room immediately. I was so thankful for that. My nurse told me that the nurse that gave me my morphine shot the night before had written down my name and told everyone she had "dibs" on delivering my baby. But she wasn't going to back to work until 7:00pm that night.

After they got me in my bed, they checked me again and I was only at a 2. Holy freakin' crap! I remember thinking... "I am going to be here for DAYS at this rate!". At this point my back labor was out of this world. My whole back would shake uncontrollably with each contraction. Tanner was on "back duty" and his job was just to put counter pressure on my back with all of his might. Poor guy just pushed and pushed and pushed on my back for a couple of hours. That was the only thing that would take SOME relief off of my back. I tried to labor in the bath tub but I couldn't last very long in there because it was impossible for Tanner to push on my back in the tub, so therefore, the tub was out of the question.

Around 2:00pm the anesthesiologist came in to introduce himself because I was always planning on getting an epidural. He saw the way I was having back labor and he told me that he would either need to give me my epidural then or never because it would get too dangerous with the way my back was shaking. So even though I wanted to wait until I was dilated further, I decided safety was more important and agreed. Best decision I ever made.

EPIDURALS ARE AMAZING. The moment it started working, I couldn't feel A THING and I soon after fell asleep and took a nice nap. About an hour later I woke up and told my nurse "I'm feeling some pressure but I don't really know" and she told me that she would let my midwife know and that she would come check on me sometime but they weren't too worried about it because just a couple hours ago I was only at a 2.

My midwife finally made her way into my room in her street clothes (she just came from home) and wasn't too worried about the pressure I was "maybe" feeling, but she checked me anyways. Good thing she did, because the moment she checked me she GASPED super loud and said "Tanner come here! Look!" And I'm sitting there like WHAT!? HELLO. REMEMBER ME! Tanner looks up at me and says "It's his head! I can see his head!" This is when PURE PANIC shot through my entire body. It couldn't possibly already be time to have this baby! Oh but it was! My midwife quickly said "Ok! Wow! I need to go get changed in my scrubs! You're having this baby now!" And all the nurses rushed in and set up all their tools and gave me a 30 second crash course on how to push. Meanwhile, I am just trying to figure out how the crap this is happening! In the movies they always make it seem sooooo long. And somehow I labor for days but go from a 2 to a 10 in a matter of just a couple hours?? Insane.

I told you... SHEER PANIC when she told me.

Pushing was harder than I expected but I was so determined to get him out! When each contraction came, I pushed with everything I had. Luckily I had great cheerleaders cheering me on.. My midwife, my amazing nurse, Tanner, my mom and my mother in law. I wasn't in a lot of pain or anything really, I was just feeling a ton of pressure and pushing that hard is exhausting no matter how long you push for! Luckily I only had to push for 29 minutes and out he came!

Greyson Garth Clark, 7 Pounds 9 Ounces, 21 Inches Long

Right when he was coming out my midwife looked up at me and said "Do you want to pull him out yourself?" This question totally caught me off guard so I quickly said "NO!". I was terrified by this. I thought I was going to hurt him. She pulled him out and laid him right on my chest. That is when I immediately starting BAWLING. Hysterically. In a really really ugly way. I just couldn't believe that this was it. He was here, he was healthy and he was MINE! I was officially a mother. And it was a surreal moment.

Tanner cut his cord. Greyson was having a little trouble breathing so he was taken to the other side of the room to get better air supply but soon after he was perfectly fine and perfectly perfect in every way. He started nursing right away (the kid came out loving food... obviously my child), and I'm pretty sure I didn't stop staring at him for two days straight. Every move, every sound, every look that came from Greyson, Tanner and I both were like "Hey nurse, is that normal? Are you sure?" we were probably so annoying. I just couldn't believe he was so perfect.

Now as I'm sitting here staring at him, at 4 months old, 10 pounds heavier than he was at birth, and still in complete awe that he was created in my body. I don't think that feeling ever completely goes away. I hope not, anyway. It is truly magical.

Childbirth is the most crazy, unpredictable, ugly and most beautiful thing in the world. It is truly mind blowing what our bodies are capable of. All I know, I am so grateful for modern medicine (cheers to you cave women- I don't know how you did it), my amazing midwife, my amazing husband (and his muscles) and my amazing mother for being so convincing, telling me I could do it, every time I looked at her in her eyes in complete and utter panic.

My testimony of my Heavenly Father increased about 500% the day Greyson entered my life. Every time I stare at him, I see a glimpse of the love God has for me and it is overwhelming trying to understand. It is also overwhelming thinking about how God could trust me with this perfect angel. All I know is, I will be forever grateful for this responsibility I have been given, even though most days I question His thinking and feel totally inadequate. I know Greyson was given to Tanner and I for a specific purpose and every day I learn something new and become a better person because of Greyson. Hopefully someday I can return the favor. But until then, I will always think about the day I was a part of a miracle and that feeling will never get old.

*All pics taken after my good, good friend-epidural ;)*