Greyson's Birth Story!

First off, I know this post is ridiculously long. I wanted to make sure I recounted every detail for myself to have as a record someday. Sorry, not sorry.

I was determined to work up until the day I delivered. I could have stopped working at any time really, but knowing myself, I knew that sitting at home with nothing to do would just make the last weeks of pregnancy go by even  s l o w e r  than they were already. So even though each morning I would question why the heck I was getting out of bed, once I did and got to work, I was glad I did.
Greyson's birth story really isn't typical (what birth story is??) but its unique and it's a lot, but I would do it over in a heartbeat.

Friday July 10th: 

This whole week I wasn't feeling the greatest. I just thought it was because I was overly exhausted and just getting physically and emotionally done with pregnancy. I had been having contractions since about 32 weeks but mostly just annoying Braxton Hicks. This caused me to not really believe any of my co-workers when they tried to tell me I was in the beginning stages of labor when I was at work on this Friday.

I was sitting at work bouncing on my exercise ball at my desk (only thing that felt good). I was meeting with a patient and his wife and while they were filling out some paperwork I gasped out loud, without any sort of control, as I felt a really sharp pain. I had to apologize and the wife said "oh my gosh are you in labor?"... I said "NO! that was just one of those weird pains you get... sorry!" and she said "Nope.  You're in labor. I can feel it" and in my head I was like "Okay lady, you're creepy and crazy". Then as the day progressed my contractions were getting harder and harder and I felt the baby's movements less and less which kind of freaked me out (apparently that is normal when you're in labor). All of the nurses I work with were feeling my contractions and telling me I was in labor but I still didn't believe them.

Ironically, I had a doctor appointment that day so I left work and went to my appointment. When I left, everyone at work said bye to me like it was going to be my last day before maternity leave. I said "No I'll see you guys on Monday!" because I really didn't think I was having this baby this weekend. I had Tanner meet me at my appointment. They hooked me up to the monitors and I was having contractions 4-5 min apart! They checked me and I was still only dilated to a 1 (which I had been for about 3 weeks). Little boy was stubborn and liked to play jokes. However, the contractions were real and were continually progressing that day. I left the appointment in tears because I was done being so confused!

As the night went on, I felt worse and worse. My back labor had already kicked in and at this point I knew I was in real labor.

Saturday July 11th: 

I didn't sleep at ALL the night before because I was sooooooo uncomfortable. I could still talk through contractions (kind of) but they were making me extremely uncomfortable and my back was starting to really hurt. I was timing my contractions and they were 3 minutes apart at this point. My midwife called me to check in and told me to go in Labor & Delivery because at this point I had been in technical labor for 24 hours. We went in and I was STILL AT A 1. THANK YOU BODY, for nothing. She told me that there could be a chance that my body just won't dilate on its own, but since the baby wasn't in any type of stress and I was a week early, she didn't want to do anything just yet. So after monitoring Greyson for a while, we left.

After we left the hospital I decided I was going to do whatever it took to end all of this! And by whatever it takes, I promise you I tried it all. I was so determined for many reasons. Besides the fact that I WAS SO READY TO GET THIS BABY OUT, my favorite midwife was on call that weekend and she wasn't going to be back on-call for another two weeks so I was super determined to get this baby out by Monday so she could be the one who delivers!

First thing we decided to do is go to Costco to stock up on some food and walk every aisle. I may have done lunges down each aisle as well...stopping every few minutes to get through contractions. After Costco we came home and I decided that we should go to the gym. You should've seen the looks I got at the gym. Most of their faces read "are you sure you should be doing that??" as I was on the treadmill, at 100% incline, doing lunges at a decent speed or when I was doing weighted squats. Like I said... I was DETERMINED, even though I was having to pause every couple of minutes, it made me get through contractions easier almost because working out puts me in the zone and I was feeling determined.

Then after our workout I was beyond EXHAUSTED and in a lot of pain so we decided to go to my in-laws to get into their hot tub. In the hot tub, I got on my hands and knees and rocked back and forth for a while to hopefully get Greyson in a better position. Then we started watching a movie with family and while we were doing this, I suddenly felt a million times worse than I had before. Each contraction came on harder and harder so I told Tanner we had to leave and we had to leave right then. I HATE being in pain in front of people. I don't like people to see me in pain because it's awkward and especially this kind of pain that was like nothing I've experienced before. We went home and this is when I was more convinced that this might be the real deal.

My mom was constantly texting me asking when she should head north our way (4 hour drive). She wanted to come right then but I kept telling her not to because I didn't want her to come and just sit here for another week waiting for me to have this baby (hilarious that I honestly thought I wasn't having this baby within 24 hours). But she listened to me and stayed put for a little longer.

They had told me earlier when I was in the hospital getting checked that I could come back later in the evening if my contractions were still bad and they could give me a morphine shot to help me sleep so when it was really time, I wouldn't be so exhausted that I couldn't get through delivery since at this point I had been laboring for over 24 hours and hadn't slept at all.

At 1:00 am Tanner convinced me to go in to get the shot because at this point I couldn't talk through contractions and I was miserable. I went in and the nurse that helped us was so awesome. She let me skip triage and put me right in a delivery room because she assumed I was about to have this baby. Then she checked me...I was at a 1.5. ARE. YOU. FREAKING. JOKING. ME. This is when I lost it. I really really did NOT want to be induced and I wanted to do this on my own. So this poor nurse suffered through my full blown meltdown and then she had the greatest gift she could give me... MORPHINE. She gave me the GLORIOUS shot of morphine and told me that I probably wouldn't remember the rest of the night. She was right. She also told me that if the contractions were still bad when the shot wore off in the morning, to come straight in because that much labor with no progression could put the baby in too much stress and they would probably have to give me pitocin to induce me. That shot.... oh man... I still dream about that shot... It was heaven.

Also at this point my mom decided she was going to come. She was done waiting and I am so glad she decided not to listen to me and to come anyways. So my poor parents got in the car at 1am and drove 4 hours to my house.

I don't even remember returning home from the hospital that night/morning.

Sunday July 12th: BIRTH- DAY. 

This morning I woke up around 8am when the shot starting wearing off and I woke up moaning because I was in so much pain. At this point I thought I would have the baby at home because the LAST thing I wanted to do was go back into the hospital and be sent home AGAIN. So I labored in bed, next to Tanner snoring (poor guy was exhausted), and I just remember rocking back and forth moaning. Then after a couple hours of this I decided to finally get up and try and see if I could get in the shower before heading to the hospital again. The MOMENT I turned to get out of bed, my WATER BROKE! YAY!! I can't even tell you how excited I was, because this meant no matter how far along I was in dilation, they would have to admit me and no matter what I would be having this baby within the next 24-48hours!

Side note: Did you know that when your water breaks it isn't just a one time isolated event?? Oh no. When your water fully breaks it is like a literal WATER FALL and NEVER STOPS! Nobody ever told me this. So I was rushing around my house getting last minute things together while I was stopping for each contraction and there was a water trail all over my house. So weird.

Tanner threw all of our stuff in the car and he used this chance to speed as fast as he could to the hospital (life long dream of his). The hospital is normally about 25 minutes away but I'm pretty sure we got there in a matter of 10 minutes. On the way, I had my hand gripping the door so tight and let me tell you... laboring in a car is HARD. Meanwhile Tanner was concerned about what music I wanted playing on the way there... Like I even cared about that in that moment! Ha. Bless his heart.

When we got to the hospital it was about 11am. I couldn't even walk. I was hunched over (still having water pouring out of me), and when we got to the check-in counter they called my nurse right away and got me into a room immediately. I was so thankful for that. My nurse told me that the nurse that gave me my morphine shot the night before had written down my name and told everyone she had "dibs" on delivering my baby. But she wasn't going to back to work until 7:00pm that night.

After they got me in my bed, they checked me again and I was only at a 2. Holy freakin' crap! I remember thinking... "I am going to be here for DAYS at this rate!". At this point my back labor was out of this world. My whole back would shake uncontrollably with each contraction. Tanner was on "back duty" and his job was just to put counter pressure on my back with all of his might. Poor guy just pushed and pushed and pushed on my back for a couple of hours. That was the only thing that would take SOME relief off of my back. I tried to labor in the bath tub but I couldn't last very long in there because it was impossible for Tanner to push on my back in the tub, so therefore, the tub was out of the question.

Around 2:00pm the anesthesiologist came in to introduce himself because I was always planning on getting an epidural. He saw the way I was having back labor and he told me that he would either need to give me my epidural then or never because it would get too dangerous with the way my back was shaking. So even though I wanted to wait until I was dilated further, I decided safety was more important and agreed. Best decision I ever made.

EPIDURALS ARE AMAZING. The moment it started working, I couldn't feel A THING and I soon after fell asleep and took a nice nap. About an hour later I woke up and told my nurse "I'm feeling some pressure but I don't really know" and she told me that she would let my midwife know and that she would come check on me sometime but they weren't too worried about it because just a couple hours ago I was only at a 2.

My midwife finally made her way into my room in her street clothes (she just came from home) and wasn't too worried about the pressure I was "maybe" feeling, but she checked me anyways. Good thing she did, because the moment she checked me she GASPED super loud and said "Tanner come here! Look!" And I'm sitting there like WHAT!? HELLO. REMEMBER ME! Tanner looks up at me and says "It's his head! I can see his head!" This is when PURE PANIC shot through my entire body. It couldn't possibly already be time to have this baby! Oh but it was! My midwife quickly said "Ok! Wow! I need to go get changed in my scrubs! You're having this baby now!" And all the nurses rushed in and set up all their tools and gave me a 30 second crash course on how to push. Meanwhile, I am just trying to figure out how the crap this is happening! In the movies they always make it seem sooooo long. And somehow I labor for days but go from a 2 to a 10 in a matter of just a couple hours?? Insane.

I told you... SHEER PANIC when she told me. 

Pushing was harder than I expected but I was so determined to get him out! When each contraction came, I pushed with everything I had. Luckily I had great cheerleaders cheering me on.. My midwife, my amazing nurse, Tanner, my mom and my mother in law. I wasn't in a lot of pain or anything really, I was just feeling a ton of pressure and pushing that hard is exhausting no matter how long you push for! Luckily I only had to push for 29 minutes and out he came!

Greyson Garth Clark, 7 Pounds 9 Ounces, 21 Inches Long

Right when he was coming out my midwife looked up at me and said "Do you want to pull him out yourself?" This question totally caught me off guard so I quickly said "NO!". I was terrified by this. I thought I was going to hurt him. She pulled him out and laid him right on my chest. That is when I immediately starting BAWLING. Hysterically. In a really really ugly way. I just couldn't believe that this was it. He was here, he was healthy and he was MINE! I was officially a mother. And it was a surreal moment.

Tanner cut his cord. Greyson was having a little trouble breathing so he was taken to the other side of the room to get better air supply but soon after he was perfectly fine and perfectly perfect in every way. He started nursing right away (the kid came out loving food... obviously my child), and I'm pretty sure I didn't stop staring at him for two days straight. Every move, every sound, every look that came from Greyson, Tanner and I both were like "Hey nurse, is that normal? Are you sure?" we were probably so annoying. I just couldn't believe he was so perfect.

Now as I'm sitting here staring at him, at 4 months old, 10 pounds heavier than he was at birth, and still in complete awe that he was created in my body. I don't think that feeling ever completely goes away. I hope not, anyway. It is truly magical.

Childbirth is the most crazy, unpredictable, ugly and most beautiful thing in the world. It is truly mind blowing what our bodies are capable of. All I know, I am so grateful for modern medicine (cheers to you cave women- I don't know how you did it), my amazing midwife, my amazing husband (and his muscles) and my amazing mother for being so convincing, telling me I could do it, every time I looked at her in her eyes in complete and utter panic.

My testimony of my Heavenly Father increased about 500% the day Greyson entered my life. Every time I stare at him, I see a glimpse of the love God has for me and it is overwhelming trying to understand. It is also overwhelming thinking about how God could trust me with this perfect angel. All I know is, I will be forever grateful for this responsibility I have been given, even though most days I question His thinking and feel totally inadequate. I know Greyson was given to Tanner and I for a specific purpose and every day I learn something new and become a better person because of Greyson. Hopefully someday I can return the favor. But until then, I will always think about the day I was a part of a miracle and that feeling will never get old.

*All pics taken after my good, good friend-epidural ;)*

I didn't have time to get a pedicure, so my mommy painted my toenails for me :) 

Proud Grandma anticipating Greyson! 

After Epidural !

Naptime after Epidural :) 

My midwife Jennifer! She is amazing! 

                                

Pressure. So much pressure.

My rock! 

Unreal feeling 

My absolute favorite picture. 

The most perfect newborn :) 

Greyson Boy.

greyson g. clark

.:born July 12, 2015:.

.:opposite of shy:. 

.:any-type-of-ball enthusiast:. 

.:lover of food:. 

.:animal obsesser:. 

.:favorite hobby: getting attention:. 

.:suffers from obsessive parents:. 

And he has a name.

Let's just ignore the fact that I have been absolutely terrible at updating our blog with updates from my pregnancy (like I promised myself I would be so good at). Not that anyone else is all that disappointed, but I know I will be when it's all said and done, so I better start catching up.

But in better, more positive and interesting news....

BABY BOY HAS A NAME. 

Ever since we got engaged, we had a small list of boy names that we were POSITIVE we would use someday in the l o n g future when we started a family (so presh right?). Well little over two years later, it's crunch time and time to choose said name. It is funny how when it is the real deal, those names you were so positive about go flying out the window like they never existed in the first place. 

And we were back to a blank canvas. 

Then there was one name, Karson. We loved it. We wanted it. We thought for sure this is the name. Karson Clark. Perfect. So I went with it for about two weeks but secretly I was looking up other boys names on Google and I was wondering why Karson only felt like the mediocre choice, but not one that I was just over the moon excited about. 

Tanner really wasn't too picky on choosing a name just as long as it fit these two criteria:
1. Sounds good in the starting line up of a ball game
2. Sounds good in the name of a successful company someday (ex: "Blah, Blah" and Associates)

Easy enough right?

Then we heard THE NAME. It wasn't an instant "OH MY GOSH YES THAT IS IT". But gradually as time went on, the thought of naming our first child this made me so much happier than Karson. I don't know why, because I still looooove that name. But this name was just different. I had a dream about it. It was actually a craaaazzzy dream (i'll spare the details), which is common in this pregnancy. My dreams have been literally things you cannot even find in the craziest sci-fi novel collections. I dare you to find one crazier than my dreams. hint: you won't. My dreams are straight nuts. Thanks Baby.

But back to the 'name' dream. I knew that THIS time it was a real sign (at least that's what I'm going with.) The next day I asked Tanner... "Is this reaaalllly our child's name?" And he said "Yup! It really is!!" We both knew it. 

We have been referring to "baby" by his name for about a month now and each time I just smile ear to ear because it makes it so much more real, and I love when Tanner refers to him by his name and talks about all the things he's looking forward to do with him... It melts me. Every. Dang. Time. 

Anyways, without further adieu, Baby Clark will be named... 

{Greyson Garth Clark}

The Middle Name: The middle name "Garth" has a story behind it as well. This is not only Tanner's middle name, but the middle name of the first born son for the past 5 generations in Tanner's lineage. Greyson will be the sixth little dude to enter the world carrying this middle name since he is the first born son in our family and Tanner was the first born son in his family...etc. Greyson will be the sixth generation. It is pretty cool to think about. 

Well Baby Greyson, we have your name now. 

And we hope you like it. Although you don't really have a choice. 

But we cannot wait to pair that name with your real life, squishy face in 9 weeks someday soon.

But until then I'll just be crafting... and trying not to blame you for my immense back pain and other joys that have come with pregnancy... 

Keep cookin' good little dude! 

We love you.

*Side note: I do reserve the right to change this, if for some reason a better, more handsome name comes along. Or if I have another weird dream. But for now, this is what we are stickin' with and I'm pretty certain it is here to stay!* 

The Struggle Is Real.

It's been.. one of those days.
My day was going pretty normal and I was feeling pretty good. I was busy at work and the day seemed to be flying by. I had a BOMB salad for lunch.... whew. so good I might've dreamt about it last night... and then it was time for my nap. Yes. I take a nap. Every single day.
I have been blessed with my own office. With this comes the privilege of being able to lock the door, lay down on the floor, wrap up in my Duck Dynasty blanket, use my sweatshirt as a pillow and take a 20 minute power nap every day during my lunch hour. I don't think I could survive this pregnancy and working full time without those blessed and much needed 20 minute power naps. Call me a sissy. Don't care. It's my heaven.

Well about 7 minutes before my alarm was going to go off, I hear a knock on my office door. I thought it was probably a fellow employee that would walk away once I didn't respond. Then about 4 seconds after the first knock, I hear a POUNDING on my door almost like the Hulk was having an emergency and needed me to get out of my office ASAP. So I jump up from the floor and sprint to the door... which is not easy in my current, unbalanced physical state.

I open the door in a panic and there stands one of my patients who was there to just literally sign one thing. He must have just chosen not to see the large sticky note on the door that said "AT LUNCH"... so you can imagine my annoyance at this point, although the poor guy didn't know what he had just done.

I let him in and have him sign his one paper and then he leaves and then it's already time for me to get back to work so any chances of recovering those 7 minutes are lost.

This is when I truly realized how important my naps are.

Within 30 seconds or less (probably less) my mood swing kicked in like a tsunami and there was no person or thing that could stop it from taking over. I was tired and mad and now emotional. All I wanted was those sweet 7 minutes of nap back.

Then suddenly, mid-freak out, out of completely NO WHERE, like a lightening bolt straight into my stomach... the urge for a milkshake struck.

And it struck h-a-r-d.

I feel like now I have reallllllly figured out what it means to have a 'pregnancy craving'.

I'm not talking about one of those cravings you get when you're bored and haven't had a slice of cheese pizza in a while. I'm talking like one of those cravings where you legitimately start crying behind the closed doors of your office because you don't just want... you NEED a milkshake SO BAD but yet you're still stuck at work for another 2 hours and you have a meltdown thinking about how unfair it is that you can't just pick up your stuff and leave work to get yourself one....

So then I text Tanner about my urgent dilemma.
In my mind, the perfect solution was having him just come bring me one because waiting the 2 hours until my shift was over seemed unbearable.
And then I realized... I was instantly becoming one of those pregnant ladies...
The one's that are somewhat completely irrational but don't care.
My husband was at home with a 102 fever after spending the majority of his day puking and yet I actually considered it for a tiny, itty-bitty moment, as a possibility to have him come bring me a chocolate milkshake.

Then I cried when I realized how crazy it was for me to think of that possibility and how I would never actually make him do that given his current state...

But it doesn't change the fact that the thought was there, it was real and I couldn't control it.

Not my proudest pregnant moment. But it's legitimate and i'm owning it.

Before this day, I have been thinking that I am very lucky to not be 'super' emotional so far with this pregnancy.
Then days like yesterday happen and I think that I have no idea whats coming, I am just an amateur and it's only going to get worse, maybe I spoke a little too soon.
It's like you know you're being absolutely irrational and crazy, but you literally have zero control over it.

However, this day ended surprisingly well, once work was done and I was able to go straight to DQ to get myself a double fudge frozen hot chocolate. I might've legitimately gasped the moment I took my first sip because it was that good.


And I might've taken this picture while driving (don't judge).... only with the fear that by the time my car was parked in front of our house, the milkshake would be completely gone.
My intuition was correct. I think I downed that sucker within a matter of minutes.
Talent.

So cheers to the bad days, the no nap days, intense cravings days , absurd hormone days and the every day battles of pregnancy...or of just being an awkward human in this crazy thing called life.

Cheers to the struggle.

BABY BUMP UPDATE: 20 WEEKS.

How far along? 20 weeks!

How big is baby? As long as a Banana and as big as a melon! 

Total weight gain/loss: About 9 pounds.

Maternity clothes? Yup! I can still fit into most of my pre-pregnancy clothes, but it's more fun to wear maternity clothes... plus that way I get to show off my little bump! However, My jeans do not fit anymore... I am carrying very low so it is impossible to button anything. I invested in some maternity leggings as well as some maternity work pants and they the best/most comfiest things ever! 

Sleep: Luckily I am sleeping very good at this point. I only wake up once right now to go pee and its usually around 2:50am... on the dot... every single night.

Best moment this week: Well last week we were able to FIND OUT THE GENDER! And it was such an awesome day. My parents were in town and were able to come to the ultrasound along with my in-laws. It made it so special for us to have everyone in on the experience. My dad especially was amazed at the ultrasound. Although when they changed it to 3D, he said the baby looked like a monkey and a lizard.... so true.... but the cutest little monkey lizard I've ever seen!! We looked away when the ultrasound tech showed the 'gender' but the parent's saw. Then they went outside and decorated our car in ALL BLUE so when we walked out into the parking lot we would know if it was a boy or a girl! We had a strong feeling this whole time that it was a boy- but it was still such a great moment to actually know for sure! LET THE SHOPPING BEGIN! :) 

Movement: YES! Ever since day 1, my placenta has been growing anteriorly, which means it has been growing towards the front. This is why, according to my dr, I started showing my bump a little earlier than others because it was pushing my stomach out. But after researching about this, I heard that it could cause you not to feel your baby kick or move for a long time after most people because it kind of acts as a pillow that muffles movement which made me sad. But this week, it was almost like over night, I feel the baby kick and move alllllll the time. Mostly in the mornings right when I get up and then he seems to like to sleep all throughout the day when I'm at work and then right when it gets dark outside he goes to town dancing and punching. He is quite the night owl I have discovered. Yay for me..... But I love feeling his tiny movements. It is the craziest thing in the world. Tanner is always grabbing my belly trying to feel, but it's a little early for that. Hopefully within the next week or two he will be able to get a good feel!

Food cravings: Cheese pizza from Costco (very specific), fruit, anything Mexican or spicy, anything sour. 

Food Aversions: None really, except the foods that I hated pre-pregnancy, I hate even more now. No one better come around with Tuna or I might slap you. 

Gender: BOY

Labor Signs: None! Except my back hurts so bad sometimes I feel like I am in labor. Yikes.

Pregnancy Symptoms: BACK PAIN. That is really the only thing I can complain about right now. I have always had back problems since high school, but it's like on a whole different level now. Luckily I have an amazing, patient husband who doesn't mind relentlessly rubbing my back. 

Belly Button in or out? In! But I can see that it is tightening and making its way out.

What I miss: Honestly, I have the easiest pregnancy so far. I'm not going to lie, I miss having a tiny waist. I also miss being able to run very long distances without feeling like I'm going to honestly faint after mile 2 or the feeling of my back breaking in half while trying to run hills. But those things I know I can gain back after the sweet little babe is born. Also, I miss eating raw cookie dough from the bowl... in handfuls...without feeling guilty... because I'm super healthy like that.

What I am looking forward to: Decorating the nursery!! Now that we know it's a boy, I have the entire color scheme and everything picked out. We are going to go paint shopping this weekend and I'm so excited to finally start painting and making this all seem even more real! 

Upcoming appointments/events: My next OB apt is March 12th... And we have pretty much decided that my baby shower in Vancouver will be April 18th! The day after my birthday! I can't wait. Also painting the nursery is next on the To-Do list! 

Milestones: Feeling the baby kick/move so much & finding out the gender for sure!

How it all happened.

So let me begin by stating the obvious fact that I haven't updated in a while.
I guess that is proof enough of how crazy our lives have been the past 5 months.
From moving across the country (again), to finding our first house in Washington, to my new, first official post-graduate job, to finding out I was pregnant, to everything in between... it has been the most insane past couple a lot of months to say the least.
I still feel like we are nailing down a routine that just hasn't fallen into place yet. I am coming to terms with the fact that my life will ALWAYS be unexpected and that is the beauty of it.

Now I will share about how it all happened...

You know the cute stories about a girl finding out she's pregnant with her first child and coming up with a super cute way to tell her husband?
You know those super thought out, well planned and executed surprises all over Pinterest that are super intimate and romantic and you pin it to your "future life" album thinking "oh yes. One day. I am TOTALLY doing this".
And then, if you're anything like me, the moment is now and is happening and you panic and a cute, planned out announcement turns into an impulsive decision that includes a pee stick being thrown across the room. Welcome to my life.

So. That's basically what happened.

I had no idea that I was pregnant. Every time I have thought I was pregnant in the past, I was always wrong-- I just liked the thrill of buying pregnancy tests and totally freaking myself out I guess... (I'm working on that intuition thing...)
But I was aggressively tired and had missed a period... or two (I thought it was stress from moving and getting this new job). I finally caved and had this feeling to buy some tests. So I did. I bought the fancy digital kind that say "PREGNANT" or "NOT PREGNANT", that way there wouldn't be any squinting in the light to determine whether the second line was there or not.
The kicker: I didn't even tell Tanner. I didn't tell him that I bought these tests and I didn't tell him when I decided to finally pee on one. I just went into the bathroom and did it by myself... without really considering the fact that it might actually come back positive.

Well... it did.

And that's when the panic set in and all hopes of a cute announcement were completely thrown out the window. I took one more... "PREGNANT". Just like the first.

That's when I did what any newly pregnant, mature adult would do.

I walked out of the bathroom and Tanner was making something in the kitchen.
 I stopped about 5 feet away from him and without saying anything I threw the stick I just pee'd on straight at his head.

And that, my friends, was how I told my husband I was pregnant with our first child. 

Sometimes I shock myself with what I am capable of during times of panic. 

Then after he was really confused by why I just threw something at his head, he became even more confused when he realized it was a pregnancy test. He picked it up and when he saw the words "PREGNANT" across the bar, I was in such shock I even thought I had to interpret it for him.
I said "It says I'm pregnant" in a very awkward voice.
He said "Yeah... Um. I see that! Is this real!?"
When I started to cry... he knew this was no sick joke.

And he picked me up, spun me around and hugged me really tight for like 5 minutes.
I started to cry and shake and laugh and cough. I was out of breath for no reason.
I'm telling you... I have nailed awkward reactions. 

After the initial shock wore off a little bit (although it is even still lingering), we were beyond excited. We knew this was happening at this point in our life for a specific reason and we felt blessed to have been given this opportunity to bring life into the world.

Mostly, just seeing Tanner so giddy and excited made me the happiest I think I have ever been.
He is going to be a great daddy.
And I am going to try to be less awkward. No promises.
We love you so much already Baby Clark!

July.17.2015