The Struggle Is Real.

It's been.. one of those days.
My day was going pretty normal and I was feeling pretty good. I was busy at work and the day seemed to be flying by. I had a BOMB salad for lunch.... whew. so good I might've dreamt about it last night... and then it was time for my nap. Yes. I take a nap. Every single day.
I have been blessed with my own office. With this comes the privilege of being able to lock the door, lay down on the floor, wrap up in my Duck Dynasty blanket, use my sweatshirt as a pillow and take a 20 minute power nap every day during my lunch hour. I don't think I could survive this pregnancy and working full time without those blessed and much needed 20 minute power naps. Call me a sissy. Don't care. It's my heaven.

Well about 7 minutes before my alarm was going to go off, I hear a knock on my office door. I thought it was probably a fellow employee that would walk away once I didn't respond. Then about 4 seconds after the first knock, I hear a POUNDING on my door almost like the Hulk was having an emergency and needed me to get out of my office ASAP. So I jump up from the floor and sprint to the door... which is not easy in my current, unbalanced physical state.

I open the door in a panic and there stands one of my patients who was there to just literally sign one thing. He must have just chosen not to see the large sticky note on the door that said "AT LUNCH"... so you can imagine my annoyance at this point, although the poor guy didn't know what he had just done.

I let him in and have him sign his one paper and then he leaves and then it's already time for me to get back to work so any chances of recovering those 7 minutes are lost.

This is when I truly realized how important my naps are.

Within 30 seconds or less (probably less) my mood swing kicked in like a tsunami and there was no person or thing that could stop it from taking over. I was tired and mad and now emotional. All I wanted was those sweet 7 minutes of nap back.

Then suddenly, mid-freak out, out of completely NO WHERE, like a lightening bolt straight into my stomach... the urge for a milkshake struck.

And it struck h-a-r-d.

I feel like now I have reallllllly figured out what it means to have a 'pregnancy craving'.

I'm not talking about one of those cravings you get when you're bored and haven't had a slice of cheese pizza in a while. I'm talking like one of those cravings where you legitimately start crying behind the closed doors of your office because you don't just want... you NEED a milkshake SO BAD but yet you're still stuck at work for another 2 hours and you have a meltdown thinking about how unfair it is that you can't just pick up your stuff and leave work to get yourself one....

So then I text Tanner about my urgent dilemma.
In my mind, the perfect solution was having him just come bring me one because waiting the 2 hours until my shift was over seemed unbearable.
And then I realized... I was instantly becoming one of those pregnant ladies...
The one's that are somewhat completely irrational but don't care.
My husband was at home with a 102 fever after spending the majority of his day puking and yet I actually considered it for a tiny, itty-bitty moment, as a possibility to have him come bring me a chocolate milkshake.

Then I cried when I realized how crazy it was for me to think of that possibility and how I would never actually make him do that given his current state...

But it doesn't change the fact that the thought was there, it was real and I couldn't control it.

Not my proudest pregnant moment. But it's legitimate and i'm owning it.

Before this day, I have been thinking that I am very lucky to not be 'super' emotional so far with this pregnancy.
Then days like yesterday happen and I think that I have no idea whats coming, I am just an amateur and it's only going to get worse, maybe I spoke a little too soon.
It's like you know you're being absolutely irrational and crazy, but you literally have zero control over it.

However, this day ended surprisingly well, once work was done and I was able to go straight to DQ to get myself a double fudge frozen hot chocolate. I might've legitimately gasped the moment I took my first sip because it was that good.


And I might've taken this picture while driving (don't judge).... only with the fear that by the time my car was parked in front of our house, the milkshake would be completely gone.
My intuition was correct. I think I downed that sucker within a matter of minutes.
Talent.

So cheers to the bad days, the no nap days, intense cravings days , absurd hormone days and the every day battles of pregnancy...or of just being an awkward human in this crazy thing called life.

Cheers to the struggle.

BABY BUMP UPDATE: 20 WEEKS.

How far along? 20 weeks!

How big is baby? As long as a Banana and as big as a melon! 

Total weight gain/loss: About 9 pounds.

Maternity clothes? Yup! I can still fit into most of my pre-pregnancy clothes, but it's more fun to wear maternity clothes... plus that way I get to show off my little bump! However, My jeans do not fit anymore... I am carrying very low so it is impossible to button anything. I invested in some maternity leggings as well as some maternity work pants and they the best/most comfiest things ever! 

Sleep: Luckily I am sleeping very good at this point. I only wake up once right now to go pee and its usually around 2:50am... on the dot... every single night.

Best moment this week: Well last week we were able to FIND OUT THE GENDER! And it was such an awesome day. My parents were in town and were able to come to the ultrasound along with my in-laws. It made it so special for us to have everyone in on the experience. My dad especially was amazed at the ultrasound. Although when they changed it to 3D, he said the baby looked like a monkey and a lizard.... so true.... but the cutest little monkey lizard I've ever seen!! We looked away when the ultrasound tech showed the 'gender' but the parent's saw. Then they went outside and decorated our car in ALL BLUE so when we walked out into the parking lot we would know if it was a boy or a girl! We had a strong feeling this whole time that it was a boy- but it was still such a great moment to actually know for sure! LET THE SHOPPING BEGIN! :) 

Movement: YES! Ever since day 1, my placenta has been growing anteriorly, which means it has been growing towards the front. This is why, according to my dr, I started showing my bump a little earlier than others because it was pushing my stomach out. But after researching about this, I heard that it could cause you not to feel your baby kick or move for a long time after most people because it kind of acts as a pillow that muffles movement which made me sad. But this week, it was almost like over night, I feel the baby kick and move alllllll the time. Mostly in the mornings right when I get up and then he seems to like to sleep all throughout the day when I'm at work and then right when it gets dark outside he goes to town dancing and punching. He is quite the night owl I have discovered. Yay for me..... But I love feeling his tiny movements. It is the craziest thing in the world. Tanner is always grabbing my belly trying to feel, but it's a little early for that. Hopefully within the next week or two he will be able to get a good feel!

Food cravings: Cheese pizza from Costco (very specific), fruit, anything Mexican or spicy, anything sour. 

Food Aversions: None really, except the foods that I hated pre-pregnancy, I hate even more now. No one better come around with Tuna or I might slap you. 

Gender: BOY

Labor Signs: None! Except my back hurts so bad sometimes I feel like I am in labor. Yikes.

Pregnancy Symptoms: BACK PAIN. That is really the only thing I can complain about right now. I have always had back problems since high school, but it's like on a whole different level now. Luckily I have an amazing, patient husband who doesn't mind relentlessly rubbing my back. 

Belly Button in or out? In! But I can see that it is tightening and making its way out.

What I miss: Honestly, I have the easiest pregnancy so far. I'm not going to lie, I miss having a tiny waist. I also miss being able to run very long distances without feeling like I'm going to honestly faint after mile 2 or the feeling of my back breaking in half while trying to run hills. But those things I know I can gain back after the sweet little babe is born. Also, I miss eating raw cookie dough from the bowl... in handfuls...without feeling guilty... because I'm super healthy like that.

What I am looking forward to: Decorating the nursery!! Now that we know it's a boy, I have the entire color scheme and everything picked out. We are going to go paint shopping this weekend and I'm so excited to finally start painting and making this all seem even more real! 

Upcoming appointments/events: My next OB apt is March 12th... And we have pretty much decided that my baby shower in Vancouver will be April 18th! The day after my birthday! I can't wait. Also painting the nursery is next on the To-Do list! 

Milestones: Feeling the baby kick/move so much & finding out the gender for sure!

How it all happened.

So let me begin by stating the obvious fact that I haven't updated in a while.
I guess that is proof enough of how crazy our lives have been the past 5 months.
From moving across the country (again), to finding our first house in Washington, to my new, first official post-graduate job, to finding out I was pregnant, to everything in between... it has been the most insane past couple a lot of months to say the least.
I still feel like we are nailing down a routine that just hasn't fallen into place yet. I am coming to terms with the fact that my life will ALWAYS be unexpected and that is the beauty of it.

Now I will share about how it all happened...

You know the cute stories about a girl finding out she's pregnant with her first child and coming up with a super cute way to tell her husband?
You know those super thought out, well planned and executed surprises all over Pinterest that are super intimate and romantic and you pin it to your "future life" album thinking "oh yes. One day. I am TOTALLY doing this".
And then, if you're anything like me, the moment is now and is happening and you panic and a cute, planned out announcement turns into an impulsive decision that includes a pee stick being thrown across the room. Welcome to my life.

So. That's basically what happened.

I had no idea that I was pregnant. Every time I have thought I was pregnant in the past, I was always wrong-- I just liked the thrill of buying pregnancy tests and totally freaking myself out I guess... (I'm working on that intuition thing...)
But I was aggressively tired and had missed a period... or two (I thought it was stress from moving and getting this new job). I finally caved and had this feeling to buy some tests. So I did. I bought the fancy digital kind that say "PREGNANT" or "NOT PREGNANT", that way there wouldn't be any squinting in the light to determine whether the second line was there or not.
The kicker: I didn't even tell Tanner. I didn't tell him that I bought these tests and I didn't tell him when I decided to finally pee on one. I just went into the bathroom and did it by myself... without really considering the fact that it might actually come back positive.

Well... it did.

And that's when the panic set in and all hopes of a cute announcement were completely thrown out the window. I took one more... "PREGNANT". Just like the first.

That's when I did what any newly pregnant, mature adult would do.

I walked out of the bathroom and Tanner was making something in the kitchen.
 I stopped about 5 feet away from him and without saying anything I threw the stick I just pee'd on straight at his head.

And that, my friends, was how I told my husband I was pregnant with our first child. 

Sometimes I shock myself with what I am capable of during times of panic. 

Then after he was really confused by why I just threw something at his head, he became even more confused when he realized it was a pregnancy test. He picked it up and when he saw the words "PREGNANT" across the bar, I was in such shock I even thought I had to interpret it for him.
I said "It says I'm pregnant" in a very awkward voice.
He said "Yeah... Um. I see that! Is this real!?"
When I started to cry... he knew this was no sick joke.

And he picked me up, spun me around and hugged me really tight for like 5 minutes.
I started to cry and shake and laugh and cough. I was out of breath for no reason.
I'm telling you... I have nailed awkward reactions. 

After the initial shock wore off a little bit (although it is even still lingering), we were beyond excited. We knew this was happening at this point in our life for a specific reason and we felt blessed to have been given this opportunity to bring life into the world.

Mostly, just seeing Tanner so giddy and excited made me the happiest I think I have ever been.
He is going to be a great daddy.
And I am going to try to be less awkward. No promises.
We love you so much already Baby Clark!

July.17.2015

Love is Action.

Here we go. 

Just another blog post about the four letter word that makes most people gag... L-O-V-E. 

Confession: I used to be one of those people. Before I met Tanner, I was one of those girls that would cry laugh during Nicolas Sparks movies, boycott Valentines day and even pretend that I didn't like chocolate or roses, all because of the nauseating feeling those connotations of "love" gave me. 

But I had it all wrong. 

Love isn't about a feeling. Love is about an action. 

This may be something that all normal people know and comprehend. But because I am not normal (in many ways) and because I have lived my life as a mostly independent, self-reliant and stubborn person, giving into the love-train was not easily accepted in my life full of carefree mantras and strategies to dodge vulnerability like a champ. And I was a champ.

But for some reason, I only saw love as a feeling. And this feeling, was to be accompanied by unnecessary drama, recklessness, heart break, mind games and too many rules on what's appropriate to say/do/wear/act like on a date and what's not (I can't wear sweats on our first date to the movies? But they're my stretchy pants and popcorn makes me bloated...). You catch my drift? (I know it's a miracle I found someone who loves that about me). 

The point is, I missed the mark completely on what the point actually is. 

In order to feel love, you've gotta give love. (go ahead and quote me on that one). 

Let's talk about Jesus.

Did Jesus just say He loved everyone? No. We know He loved everyone because He proved He did. He gave love to everyone around Him. It would be really hard to prove that Jesus literally loved everyone, if we didn't have countless stories of Him healing the whores and adulterers and saving the wicked with his bare hands. Didn't matter who they were, He loved them. 

So why is it so hard for us to love others? 

Sometimes, while married, you can find yourself getting into a mundane routine, day after day. 

But saying "I love you" everyday does not give you the allowance to cross "love my spouse" off on your daily to-do list, although somedays you feel that's the only thing you have time for. 

Loving your spouse requires action. It requires sacrifice. It requires compromise. It requires random acts of kindness. It requires following through with pinky promises. It requires trying to be better every single day. It requires WORK. It requires proving your love, rather than just stating it. 

"Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. Its the way you love your partner every day." 

I'm grateful for a husband who proves every day that he loves God, loves others and loves me. 

I'm grateful for a husband that treats marriage, and other things that involve L-O-V-E, like a verb. 

And I'm grateful that he challenged me and successfully changed the way I viewed love, simply by showing me what true love actually looks like, instead of just telling me what its supposed to feel like. 

And its a good thing for that. 

So bring on the corny chic-flicks, random flower deliveries and all of the excuses in the world to celebrate all kinds of love. 

Because you made me 'like' love. a lot. And I like that. 

P.s..... I love you too. 

A Farewell.

Vacations are my absolute, most favorite thing. Whether it's a big vacation at a luxury resort in Mexico, or just a weekend getaway to a local beach, they are all exciting to me.
But one type of vacation that really tops them all, is a vacation that includes seeing family that you haven't seen for a long time.
There is nothing like the anticipation that leads up to the moment you get to hug a family member you haven't seen in forever (or what seems like forever).
That's why when we got a chance to take a break from our lives in DC for a little trip to Seattle, it felt like Christmas.
We were able to fly to where Tanner is from for his family reunion/his brother Cooper's Farewell.
It was a very quick trip, especially considering travel time across the country, but it was worth it!
This was also the time that Pancake got to experience an airplane for the first time.
Once again, she surprised me with how awesome she can be and she was an absolute gem on the plane! At first the flight attendants told me that she needed to stay in her travel carrier under my seat, but when I took her out before we took off and she just fell asleep right in my lap, they came by and petted her and didn't say a word after that about me having her out. Way to go Pancake. *knucks*.

The trip consisted of a Mariners game, Birch Bay, hike to a waterfall, cliff jumping, tons of food and most importantly- good quality family time.
Tanner and I are lucky to have such amazing families. We really are.
Pancake was a huge hit with all of Tanner's younger cousins and for not ever having human food, she handled the pounds of chips, cheese and candy that they constantly were feeding her, like a champ.

Pancake's first flight

Birch Bay

Cliff Jumping

Cliff Jumping

Pancake patiently waiting in LAX at our layover

Mariners Game

Nikelle always insists on holding Pancake's leash

Snuggle Bug:)

Before we left we had to say a last 'goodbye' to Cooper (Tanner's brother). He is leaving to serve in the Madagascar mission for 2 years! We know that he is going to be a great missionary and is going to be able to touch many lives during his time on La'Reunion island off of the coast of Madagascar. And maybe this is the excuse Tanner and I need to go visit this BEAUTIFUL island. (Like we ever need an excuse, right?). 

We had an amazing time and it was so hard to leave to go back to DC. Back to reality. 

But I think Pancake was a little more excited than we were to go back to our quiet home. 

The moment we got on the plane to head home, she was OUT like a light. 

It's exhausting getting so much attention.  Rough life.

Don't you like you?

This topic has been on my mind a lot lately. And because we are practically soul sisters, it is only fitting that it has also been on Colbie Caillat's mind as well.

She recently came out with a new song called "Try" that was inspired by the music industry tugging her in a million directions and photoshopping every picture published of her. She didn't want that, so she did what any awesome, extremely talented and beautiful celebrity (I told you, soul sisters), would do and wrote a song about it practically giving a big middle finger to the industry.
(If you want to read an interview she did with Elle magazine about the song you can do so here: http://www.elle.com/news/beauty-makeup/colbie-caillat-try-video-makeup-transformation)

Do yourself a favor and watch this genius piece of art:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZLPSw8U8

Watching her music video inspired me to write what I've been thinking about for a long time. And it's about how to like yourself. And although this song is promoting not wearing make-up and being the 'real you', I am not saying that all us women need to throw out our make up and boycott doing our hair. Some people (like me) enjoy that stuff. And to me, there is nothing wrong with that. Some people may enjoy spending an hr a day perfecting their foundation or doing their eyeliner (little extreme, but hey). I'm all for that, just as long as it is something they want to do as opposed to something they feel they have to do. The important thing is that when they take off their make up at night, they can look in the mirror and still like themselves.

While you read this, I hope you can take it with a grain of salt. I am definitely not writing this because I have perfected this, but here are three simple ways to begin the process.

1. Blame Yourself.

I know, I know. I'm tricky. And you're confused and this totally doesn't seem like something that would be on the "To-Do" list in order to like yourself. But let me explain.

Women in this world are ANGRY. We are also very powerful creatures with a lot to say. We protest about our human rights, our salaries, victoria secret models that are too skinny and celebrities that are too pretty. But what baffles me, as powerful as we really are, we decide to blame the 'media' for our eating disorders, our depression, our cellulite and our bushy eyebrows.

No wonder women aren't taken seriously.

We (women) are protesting human rights for a gender that we also act so shameful of.
We are demanding control over our bodies that behind closed doors we spend a lot of time hating and manipulating.
We are blaming everyone in the world for our insecurities, besides ourselves.

If you hate your muffin top, it's not the world's fault, do something about it. Or if you happen to love your muffin top, then own it and rock those low-ride jeans! Just as long as you realize that what you choose to do and how you choose to view it are your own choices.

Granted, I know that media has a h u g e influence in our society. I am not ignorant nor immune to their deceitful ways. But I think we spend waaaaay too much time giving credit to the media for our problems, instead of recognizing that we play a leading role in them.

Blaming yourself is the first step in beginning to truly love yourself. I can blame myself for so many mistakes I have made in my life, and my own, flawed, self-perception is definitely one of them. It's like when I was in 7th grade and it was either I bought Hollister jeans (gag) that were never meant to be forced over my rather curvy beehind (yes, I just used that word), or I was going to be viewed as the poor nerd wearing jeans with no design on the pocket (gasp!). I blame myself for giving in and spending all my birthday money on those jeans even though wearing them felt like I was constantly walking around with a giant weggie up my crack (because I was) and ironically none of it changed the fact that I was still weird and nerdy. I blame myself for thinking my muscular and athletic body in high school meant I had thunder thighs (whoever created that term, go ahead and dig a hole and live in it) or that having a bra size above a 32C meant "I had a lot of fat" (HA). And the list goes on.

But would blaming anyone but myself for my stupid clothing purchases or ridiculous diets, in any way help myself love myself?

I get it. It takes guts. Real guts to admit that you're the cause of your own pain. Real guts to admit that blaming the world for your low self-esteem is a cowardly choice while also being completely ineffective. Pointing the finger at yourself is not easy. But the only way to change the perception of yourself is by taking the blame for how you feel about yourself.

2. Impress Yourself.

So after you blame yourself and feel terrible about the way you have treated yourself (sorry not sorry), it is now time to impress yourself. Impressing others is seriously, WAY too easy. Like come on. You want to impress your neighbors so you buy a fancy car? Piece of cake. You want to impress your fellow students so you spend every minute of your life studying so you can raise your hand and answer every question your professor asks? Annoying and also not creative. The real challenge, is focusing on impressing yourself.

Make a list of things you think you could never do. Then here it comes... do them. You think you can't craft or be creative? Get your booty on Pinterest, find someone who has already done it, buy the supplies, follow a step-by-step tutorial on how to do it and bam. You've done something that you thought you couldn't do and whether or not it is "Instagram worthy", you've impressed yourself and it'll give you motivation to try it again. You think you can't run a marathon? Or even just a mile? You think you cannot cook a decent meal or try a new hairstyle? What about holding your breath for a whole minute or cutting an entire onion without one single tear? Do things that make you proud. Do things that are w e i r d and unusual. Or do really normal, every day things that make you happy. Big or small, it doesn't matter because the result is always the same. Nothing feels better than accomplishing something that you thought you couldn't do... and especially when the only reason why you're doing it, is not for the gratification of others, but just simply for your own... which you will find to be a million x's better anyway.

3. Like Yourself.

Now the third step is just coming to terms with the fact that you're awesome. This step also requires you to realize that you are a daughter of God.

Your Heavenly Father has literally designed, sculpted and produced you individually while simultaneously stuffing you full of countless potential.

You think that He would create a beautiful earth and cram it with mediocre, unlikeable, average people? That would seem silly. We all have so much to like about ourselves. And by not choosing to recognize those things, we are not only wasting a bunch of time being upset about something that is actually amazingly beautiful, but we are also denying the divine and perfect hand that so carefully crafted us.

So just STOP being silly.

 Look in the mirror. And finally admit to yourself (out loud) 

"Gosh. I am freaking awesome".

A big worry of most moms (which should be) is for their little girls and what they are exposed to and how it affects their young and fragile self-esteem. But I think something more powerful than boycotting Barbie because she is a triple-zero, is just simply being an example of self-love. And if love is too strong of a word, then even just self-like. Realize that yes, your daughter may love a celebrity and want to be exactly like her, but in reality, you are her biggest idol and she is your biggest fan. So spend less time complaining and more time liking.

Again, I want to reiterate that what I am saying does not flow from my own book of wisdom and experience. In reality, all that I am saying, stems from the root of just common freakin' sense. I can't take credit for that.

But what I can take credit for, is choosing to commit to do more self-liking. And while I do it, it won't hurt to listen to this song on r e p e a t.

So in the words of my girl Colbie: 

"Why, should you care, what they think of you, When you're all alone, by yourself, do you like you?

Do you like you?"

Our Love Story.

how boy met girl.

It was a new semester. School hadn't even begun yet and I just had barely moved everything back into my apartment. I was living with my best friend, Madi. Because we had just spent the entire summer away from each other, it was only appropriate that we celebrated the weekend before school started by having a party in our apartment... by ourselves (or so we thought). 90's music was being blasted through our speakers, naturally, and the dance moves started flowing. After a good hour of dancing (mostly by myself while Madi watched/video'd/laughed), there was a knock at the door. WHAT. Who the heck could that be. This is supposed to be a party of 2. Before I could hide my rather sweaty self, 6 guys came barging in through the door. Some of these guys were Madi's friends before they all left on their missions and now they had all just gotten back and wanted to hang out with Madi. So I did what any out-of-breath, salty smelling, single girl would do when 6 guys enter her apartment randomly.... I kept dancing and hoped that they would join. And they did. Except for one.

This one, of course, caught my eye... He was wearing a stripped t-shirt and jeans and was still standing in the doorway, almost like he was thinking "K. This girl is crazy... how can I leave without being rude?" (he was actually thinking that). I suddenly didn't care about any of the other guys that were now challenging me to a dance battle. I wanted to know THAT guy. So after a couple songs of Destiny's Child and Shaggy, I made my way over to this mystery man still standing in my doorway, looking lost & scared. 

And then it happened. 

Our first conversation. 

Me: "Hey I'm Kayley!! What's your name?!" (probably said in a way too high of pitch voice) 

Him: "Tanner." (that's it. no expression, no follow up question, no eye contact.) 

Me: (nervous and awkward) "okaaayy... weeeellll nice to meet you Tanner" and I forced him into giving me a high five. Yup. A high five. Because I obviously wanted to seem mature.

And that was it. Our first 'conversation'. That pretty much sums up the next couple interactions we had with other. But I was not going to give up. He would notice me... eventually... Right??

Luckily we 'ran into' each other a LOT. A.K.A: I begged Madi to hang out at their apartment with me and I became good friends with his roommates. B i n g o.

I actually went on a date with one of Tanner's roommates, I had Tanner come hear me sing at a show on campus, and I made sure I always looked good when I was around him. And still, I could not get more than 2 words out of him! 

One night, I texted one of his roommates and asked for Tanner's number. I had no intention of using it. No, but really. I didn't. But I figured boys are boys and he was bound to find out that I asked for his number and that might spark an interest and would make him start anxiously awaiting a text from me, that would never come... (strategy people, strategy).

One night we went to Lava Hot Springs as a group. I was DETERMINED to get him to talk to me, even if it meant cornering him in a hot tub and talking to myself until he gets sick of it and caves and talks to me back. I swam up reeeaaal casually (I probably was doing the classic doggy paddle) and said:

Me: "Heeeeeyyyy Tannneeeerrr.... Tell me something interesting about yourself!" (He would HAVE to say something back to that)

Him: "Um. I'm not that interesting." (while making zero eye contact)

Great. Fail.

So after that last interaction, I was done! I kinda gave up and although I love a good challenge, he was just too hard to crack. And that's saying a lot.  

Then, one glorious and magical night, completely out of the blue, I get THIS message on Facebook (word for word):

Tanner: "Hey! SICK cover photo.. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I know you have my number... And I think you should use it. What do ya say???" 

My. Heart. Dropped. 

First, I thought it was a joke. Because who in their right mind uses that kind of icebreaker, "sick cover photo"... like that can't be real. And then second, this kid DOESN'T TALK. How in the world does he all of the sudden have this weirdly attractive confidence that is practically slapping me in the face through a Facebook message?

But of course within 30 seconds I all of the sudden didn't care if it was a joke or not, I barged into Madi's room right next to mine and read her the message. Although she was half asleep (it was like 12:30am), she was as much stunned as I was. But the one thing she told me was that I HAD to wait until at least tomorrow to text him. I nodded my head like, "Oh yeah, totally". Then I went back to my room and the first thing I did was sit on my bed and send him a brief text right away (if anyone knows me, they know I am not one to wait patiently). He responded right away. And I can literally say from the point forward, there was no turning back.

A couple days later he met me in the library where he found me essentially crying over my homework load (he was going to get used to that). We each had out our assignments but I don't think either of us got through question 1. We talked for about 4 hours until I realized that I had an exam that was about to close and I had to go take it before it was too late.

This is when he asked me on our first date. 

He told me (didn't ask, he told. h o t.) he would pick me up after my test was done and take me to dinner. Needlesstosay I have never taken an exam so quickly in my life. We went to the Taco Bus, which is for those who don't know, a school bus parked in an empty lot that has been transformed into a tiny mexican joint and you sit and eat the greasiest and most delicious burritos, on the actual bus.

Right before we ate, I was thinking in my head "man, I really want to take a picture, but I don't want to be one of those girls that takes a picture with a dude on their first date". Luckily, I didn't have to. Right before the first bite Tanner says "Man, my dad would LOVE this place! Let's take a picture so I can send it to him". That is when I knew. Tanner Clark was most likely going to be my husband someday. (Ok, so, I didn't really know yet, but I did know this boy was something special).

The picture from our first date.

After our first date, we never looked back. We had the best time dating each other (seriously. so fun.), until the moment that we both knew dating was just not enough.

I remember one night we were star gazing (gag, I know), and Tanner all of the sudden looks at me and says "You know, call me crazy, but sometimes I look at you and I see my future wife". And for the first time in my life, the title of 'wife' didn't scare me at all. So I just nodded my head and said "Yup. I can see it too".

Then came the L- Word. 

Once while visiting family in Washington, it was a late night and we were watching a movie (the Biography of Biggy Smalls of course) and Tanner randomly grabs my face and says: "I think I'm in love with you". I could tell he had been wanting to say that all night and had finally just got the nerve to randomly blurt it out (Biggy is obviously inspirational). But without hesitation I looked back at him and said "Well I know I'm in love with you!".
Then you would think at this point we would have a super romantic kiss, but instead Tanner lets out a h u g e sigh of relief, shoots back into the couch, closes his eyes and starts silently fist-pumping in the air while mouthing "YES. YES." like he had just won a championship. Seriously though, like what? He's the cutest human being. So I laid down next to him and started doing the exact same thing. It was definitely a moment I will never forget.

So then shortly after that there was an engagement and then a wedding and well, now there's a blog.

And two really cool people that happen to have a pretty awesome love story.